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20 December 2010 @ 08:00 pm
My Body is a Cage: A Castiel Fanmix  
So this year I participated in Treehaus's Secret Santa, and got sweetsyren, who likes Castiel a lot....so here is a Cas mix for you! ;)

Medium:  Television
Fandom:  Supernatural
Subject:  Castiel
Title:  My Body is a Cage
Warnings:  Spoilers through the end of season 5.
Notes:  This fanmix explores Castiel's personal journey throughout season 5.  Made for sweetsyren, Merry Christmas! :)

This fanmix explores Castiel’s personal journey in more or less chronological order from the end of season 4, when he rebels against his angelic brethren and sides with Dean/humanity once and for all, through the end of season 5—with all the disillusionment, mortality, and falling from grace it entailed—before he is resurrected (again) and his angelic powers are fully restored. In some cases, such as the second song, it’s more my own speculation of what Cas might have been feeling, since sadly he never actually verbally expresses any guilt about his role in the apocalypse. Two of the songs also apply to the emotional state of the Future!AU!Castiel that we glimpse in 5x04. I chose “My Body is a Cage” for the title since I feel it sums up how trapped and ever weaker Castiel felt over the course of the season; first as he became a fugitive trapped on earth, unable to enter Heaven, his powers cut off and draining away, then even more so once he became mortal and trapped in his vessel, his body literally a cage.

Also I just want to give a little credit to kaiyote, since she introduced me to three of these songs used here through her fantastic Cas fanvids...;)

1. “The Truth Beneath the Rose” by Within Temptation

Give me strength to face the truth
The doubt within my soul
No longer I can justify
The bloodshed in His name

Is it a sin to seek the truth, the truth beneath the rose?

The veil of my dreams
Deceived all I have seen
Forgive me for what I have been
(Forgive me my sins)

Pray for me 'cause I have lost my faith in holy wars
Is Paradise denied to me 'cause I can't take no more?

I believed it would justify the means
It had a hold over me
(Forgive me my sins)

I'm hoping, I'm praying
I won't get lost between two worlds
For all I've seen,
The truth lies in between

Give me the strength to face the wrong that I have done

Will I learn what's truly sacred
Will I redeem my soul
Will truth set me free?

4x22: Castiel finally realizes the truth of how wrong Heaven’s plans are, that the ends of Paradise do not justify the means, and breaks with his angelic brethren and their so-called ‘holy wars.’ He tries to make up for the wrong he has done while working for the angels by helping Dean at the last minute, even at the cost of his own life.

2. “Done All Wrong” by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club

I've done all wrong,
All the wrong I've done,
I'm sure to live quite long.

We're doing wrong,
we've all done wrong,
If we do no wrong,
I'm sure we would be gone.

Post 4x22: Even if he does not outwardly admit it, Castiel feels guilty about his role in letting Sam out of the panic room and triggering the apocalypse, about the wrong he’s done.

3. “Fallen” by Sarah McLachlan

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up

We all begin with good intent…
But we carry on our backs the burden…
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear.

I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know

5x02: “I killed two angels this week. Those are my brothers. I'm hunted, I rebelled ….I lost everything....”

Though he knows he did the right thing in helping Dean, Castiel still laments how far he has fallen, and all that he has lost since that decision.

4. “Chop Suey!” by System of a Down

Father (Father)
Father into your hands, I commend my spirit
Father into your hands, why have you forsaken me?
In your eyes, forsaken me
In your thoughts, forsaken me
In your heart, forsaken me.

Oh, trust in my, self-righteous suicide.
I cry when angels deserve to die.
In my self-righteous suicide
I cry when angels deserve to die.

5x16-5x17: Castiel feels utterly forsaken by his Father, God, after learning that He has been aware of what has been going on this entire time and simply does not care/refuses to interfere. He also continues to lament the actions of his brothers that necessitate killing them, and does not care if he lives or dies during the mission.

*Note: Since “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit” and “why have you forsaken me?” are both biblical quotes spoken by Jesus to God his Father, they make this song particularly relevant towards Cas and his disillusionment/anguish towards God. ;)

5. “Lonelily” by Damien Rice

In a way,
I’ve lost all I believed in.
And I never found myself so alone.
And you let me down.

5x17: Castiel deals with having lost all his faith in God since He ‘let [him] down,’ and the emptiness he feels.

6. “Sober” by P!nk

I'm safe,
Up high
Nothing can touch me.
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain,
You're like protection.
How do I feel this good sober?

Aahh, I am falling,
And If I let myself go I'm the only one to blame

When it's good, then it's good, it's so good till it goes bad.
Till you're trying to find the you that you once had

5x17/5x04 Future AU: Castiel turns to alcohol and drugs to numb the pain and emptiness he feels, having been forsaken by God and his brethren and finding himself more and more weak and powerless as his cut-off power trickles away. The last line in particular refers to Future!Hippie!Cas remembering his former powerful angelic self.

7. “Roslyn” by Bon Iver and St. Vincent

Wings wouldn't help you
Wings wouldn't help you...down.
Down fills the ground, gravity's proud

You barely are blinking,
Wagging your face around.
When'd this just become a mortal home?

5x21: Castiel has suddenly become ‘mortal,’ powerless…his ‘wings’ or former angelic state did nothing to help prevent this great fall. Even as a human however, he barely blinks and tilts his head…:p

8. “My Body is a Cage” by Arcade Fire

My body is a cage that keeps me
From dancing with the one I love
But my mind holds the key

I'm standing on a stage
Of fear and self-doubt

I'm living in an age
That calls darkness light

My body is a cage…
Just because you've forgotten
That don't mean you're forgiven

Set my spirit free
Set my body free

5x21-5x22/5x04 Future AU: Since becoming mortal/human, Castiel feels like his ‘body is a cage,’ since he is trapped inside his vessel, unable to ever possibly rejoin the other angels (the ones he loves). Only his ‘mind’ now ‘holds the key’ to his identity as a former angel, since there is no trace left of his former angelic powers or immortality. In this state he is filled with ‘fear and self-doubt’ more now than ever before as the world around him grows more topsy-turvy.

*Note: ‘Just because you’ve forgotten/ That don’t mean you’re forgiven’ to me refers to the fact that Castiel never tells Sam and Dean about letting Sam out of the panic room; though the deed has been forgotten, however, it’s still not forgiven—it was still wrong.

9. “Down” by Jason Walker

I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
Never know why it’s coming down, down, down.

5x21-5x22: Castiel feels depressed and listless about his new mortal state, the fact that he’s now ‘stuck on the ground’ and has gone ‘down,’ he who could once fly. At this point he has little hope for winning the Apocalypse and thinks it’s mostly a lost cause—that even if he tries to fight, he’s ‘gonna fall down.’

Download Link: 9 Songs + Cover Art + Lyrics and Explanations

I hope you like it bb! :)

Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
Current Music: "My Body is a Cage" by Arcade Fire
She that is Me: DrW - Eleven - OMGOMGOMGOMGsweetsyren on December 21st, 2010 05:35 am (UTC)
OMG! OMG! It's glorious bb!

Thank you so much! You're amazing :)
sherrilina: Dean Smilie (Supernatural)sherrilina on December 21st, 2010 01:33 pm (UTC)
Glad you like it bb! :D *hug* I was hoping the music would be more or less up your alley given the eclectic tastes on your list.
Nansense: cas!whump02nanoochka on December 21st, 2010 07:23 pm (UTC)
Excellent mix, but I also have an unrelated question - which font did you use for the cover art? I wants it!
sherrilina: Castiel (Supernatural)sherrilina on December 21st, 2010 08:17 pm (UTC)
Thanks, and lol on the front cover is Jellyka - Queen or something (Castle Queen maybe?), while on the back cover is Jellyka - Esther's Handwriting or something. I can look them up more precisely later when I'm on my laptop, but maybe that's enough info! Glad you like the font, I spent at least 15 min deliberating and trying out different fonts before deciding on that one! ;)
s.: cas & dean & samfancypopcorn on December 21st, 2010 10:11 pm (UTC)
Taking this mix, it looks really interesting (plus I like that you included the lyrics and explanations in the download).
sherrilina: Castiel (Supernatural)sherrilina on December 22nd, 2010 01:37 am (UTC)
Thanks! Hope you like it, and glad someone appreciates the lyrics/explanations in the dl, wasn't sure if I should include that or not!
I Believe In Castiel: SPN Castiel Disillusionedwhatsername_05 on December 22nd, 2010 01:36 am (UTC)
Oh this looks great! Snagging. Thanks!!
sherrilina: Dean Smilie (Supernatural)sherrilina on December 22nd, 2010 01:41 am (UTC)
Thank you! :)
zenwiccanzenwiccan on December 22nd, 2010 02:46 am (UTC)
I loves me some Castiel and the songs look awesome. Downloading, thanks!
sherrilina: Castiel (Supernatural)sherrilina on December 22nd, 2010 03:13 am (UTC)
Thanks, enjoy! :)
(Deleted comment)
sherrilina: Dean Smilie (Supernatural)sherrilina on December 24th, 2010 05:03 am (UTC)
Sure, thanks for downloading and commenting, hope you like it! :)
revelation means nothing here: Castiel - the beauty and the tragedyi_rise_inside on December 24th, 2010 05:50 pm (UTC)
The Arcade Fire song is such a beautiful fit, my heart aches! So is Roslyn, ugh! And I havent even heard of half these songs! This is lovely bb, (major points for the Damien Rice song, love it) will give this a listen, thanks! <3
sherrilina: Castiel (Supernatural)sherrilina on December 28th, 2010 05:10 am (UTC)
(Oops I thought I'd already responded to this, sorry!)

Yeah I adore Roslyn, it's I think my favorite song of the New Moon soundtrack (did you recognize it from there, lol?). It's so beautiful and haunting and emotive...I actually didn't know what the hell the lyrics were/what the song was saying for the longest time, lol, since the way it's sung the words are really indistinct. I had put it in my personal Cas playlist on my iPod just for the sound of it, so when I finally looked them up Iit came as an awesome surprise just how much they actually fit Cas! :) (Also there's actually a Metro stop in my home area call Rosslyn and for me "Roslyn" has become its official ballad I always have to play on my iPod when I'm in the station, lol. /random).

And thanks, glad you like it! <333 I was hoping you would, lol, Cas fan that you are...;)
ladyabbith87ladyabbith87 on January 16th, 2011 05:07 am (UTC)
I really REALLY want to download this, and I've tried to several times. But every time I click on the link, it brings me to mediafire, and I click to download it, and it never opens up the "Save" box; it simply returns to the mediafire page with "click here to download." I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Any tips?
sherrilina: Arthur/Chicken (Merlin)sherrilina on October 9th, 2011 07:07 pm (UTC)
This is super late (so sorry) but...IDK, I just tried clicking the link and it brought me to the mediafire page, and then the save box opened...:/ IDK what is wrong, sorry I couldn't help! :( Have you had any luck since then? Thank you for your interest...